Positive steps to help cope with infertility
Dealing with infertility or going through fertility treatments can be incredibly stressful and you may be experiencing feelings of anxiety or loss of control. It can also be very isolating and put a strain on relationships. Whatever you are going through, our team want to help and support you.
No matter what you’re feeling right now – whether it is fear, anxiety, hopelessness, grief, anger, guilt, these are all normal reactions. You may have already had a very lengthy and challenging journey up to this point and so none of these emotions are an over-reaction.
Although everyone has their individual coping mechanisms, for many people, taking an active coping role is generally better when it comes to your mental health. Doing something is a much better feeling than feeling passive and as though you’ve lost control.
There are 5 keys areas where you may wish to focus, to try and take control and generate positivity:
Social support
Research has consistently shown that membership of a group is a really protective factor when it comes to coping with stress. Finding some kind of social support is therefore really beneficial, whether that’s from family, friends, support groups or online communities. However, infertility can be really isolating and it is very common to want to withdraw from friends or family, particularly if you are being asked insensitive questions or have to deal with others having babies. COVID has added to that sense of isolation for many, however there are now many ways to connect virtually – there are many online support groups and facebook groups - and its about finding a community and a format that works for you.
Recognise what is toxic
It’s easy during difficult times to increase alcohol and smoking and so if possible try and limit negative habits. However there are many other aspects of our lives that you might not immediately recognise to be unhelpful or even harmful to your well-being. The internet and social media can have quite detrimental effects on your mental health and so limiting exposure, especially during times of heightened stress or anxiety is usually helpful. A common way of coping with a situation is to try and get more information but in doing that it can also increase your anxiety. The most common example is googling your symptoms during the 2 week wait, which very rarely makes you feel any better other than reminding you that there are many women out there who have gone through the same thing.
Some relationships can also be toxic, so there may be certain friends or family who you feel worse after spending time with. Know that its ok to pull back from that relationship at certain times. Also sometimes we are our own worst critic so remember to be kind and patient with yourself during these difficult times.
Daily structure
Keeping a daily structure is really helpful for your mental and physical health. This is also an opportunity to control the things in your life that you can such as exercise and diet. Eating healthily and remaining a healthy weight will be beneficial for your fertility and general well-being. This is also important for sperm quality so if you have a partner make sure they are also taking part.
A consistent daily routine will also help your sleep. Sleep plays a really important role in regulating an individual’s quality of life, as well as social, emotional, and physical well-being so do try to get the recommended 7-8 hours.
Physical/mental exercise
Trying to find things that you enjoy is really important for your mental health. Physical exercise is a great releaser of endorphins. Research has shown that moderate exercise 3 times/week can be as effective as an anti-depressant.
Simulating your mind is equally important and so try to find things that really interest you. Trying something new that you enjoy can give you that boost of positivity that you’re doing something to improve your self-care. You may even want to consider some volunteer work - altruism is very powerful and it can be profoundly healing to do something for others.
For feelings of anxiety, the various relaxation and meditation techniques can be really beneficial. There are lots of online resources for things like yoga, mindfulness, meditation and positive self-affirmation which can help deal with intrusive thoughts, feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. Fertility Network has a helpful leaflet on coping strategies that describes various techniques including creative visualisation and progressive relation exercises. We always recommend counselling for people dealing with fertility issues – dedicated fertility counsellors in your area can be found through BICA.
Education and knowledge
Knowing how and where to access reputable, patient-friendly information can be challenging. Listed below are some of my recommended websites and sources of information.